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For years, I, and I’m guessing, you too, have heard the same advice over and over again: “Love God. Be good. Stop sinning. Pray more. Be strong. Evangelise.” But, importantly, I was never told how.

It felt like standing at the base of a mountain, being yelled at to climb it—but no one handed me gear. No rope, no map, not even boots. Just the weight of impossible expectation. And I wasn’t alone. Most of us just nod, pretend we get it, and smile in church… all while silently drowning in guilt, shame, helplessness, frustration, and burnout.

So how do you actually love God?

WHEN WELL-MEANING WORDS MAKE IT WORSE

Take last Sunday’s sermon. The preacher unpacked that intimate scene in John 21—Jesus, risen from the dead, asking Peter three times, “Do you love me?” Each time Peter says yes (though notably, with a different Greek word for love), Jesus responds with a command: “Feed my sheep.”

Peter had denied Jesus three times. This was his moment of redemption. But Jesus didn’t guilt-trip him or punish him. He gently restored him—not by rehashing the past, but by calling him forward. He didn’t say, “Try harder.” He said, “If you love me, feed my sheep.”

That’s the key. Jesus didn’t just want Peter’s labour. He wanted Peter’s love. And from that love, the labour would flow.

But here’s the tension: how do you give love when you feel empty? How do you conjure up something that’s supposed to be the foundation of your faith—but you don’t know where to find it—and it feels like it’s no there in the first place?

WE’RE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION

Most of us have been formed by a Western, Hellenistic framework—where love is primarily a feeling. Warmth. Emotion. Passion. We think, “If I don’t feel it, it must not be real.” So, instead of seeking the correct action of love, we are seeking the feeling.

But the Bible, rooted in Hebraic thought, paints a very different picture. From God’s point of view, love is not emotion first—it’s action.

Jesus said it clearly in John 15:

“If you love me, keep [action] my commandments.”

That’s not manipulation. It’s the definition. Love = obedience. Once again we have the wrong definition. Obedience is not rigid rule-following but is defined as devotion. Loyalty. Worship. Sacrifice

Ecclesiastes 8:2–3 says,

“Keep [action] the king’s command… do not be hasty to go from his presence.”

The command is to stay. To remain. To abide. Sound familiar? It echoes the language of Jesus in John 15: “Abide in me.”

So, what is love in God’s eyes? It’s staying. It’s worship expressed through presence. And presence always costs something. And guess what? Everything and everyone wants a piece of your presence. So who will get it? Who is that important to deserve it?

SACRIFICE IS WORSHIP

Romans 12:1 says,

“Offer [action] your bodies as a living sacrifice… this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Worship is not the song you sing. It’s the price you pay. And the real currency of worship isn’t money or performance—it’s time.

You can measure your love for God not by what you feel, but by where your time goes.

Love becomes visible through sacrifice. Not in grand gestures, but in quiet consistency. In early mornings. In choosing stillness over scrolling. In the awkward silences that soften into communion. When no one sees—but the One who always does. The audience of One.

It’s not “If I feel love, I will act.” It’s the other way around: “If I act in love, I will begin to feel it.” You cannot feel something that isn’t there in the first place. We don’t feel our way into loving God—we love our way into feeling it. We are literally “feeling ” the action we are involved in.

WHY PEOPLE LEAVE CHURCH

So many leave the church not because they don’t believe, but because they’re crushed under the weight of not knowing how to love a God they feel distant from. They hear high callings but get no compass. They feel broken and ashamed, so they walk away—not from God, but from the unbearable pretence. From flowery words without any direction.

But God never asked for perfection. He asked for presence. “I just want you,” He whispers. Again and again. Not your performance. You.

We’re the ones that are missing. The question has never been, “Where is God?” It has always been, “Adam, where are you?” We expect God to give what we’re not willing to give ourselves—time, attention, and presence. But the truth is, it’s not God’s presence that’s missing. It’s ours.

He’s been there all along.

Jesus went to the cross to win your heart not your résumé. His love isn’t something you earn; it’s something you answer, something you respond to. And the answer is worship that costs you something. That’s why it’s called sacrifice. If it doesn’t cost you, it isn’t sacrifice. And without sacrifice, there’s no victory. We’re not waiting on God to save the world—He’s waiting on us to invoke Him with our sacrificial surrender.

That’s the difference between Peter and Judas. Both failed. One hid in shame. The other returned to Jesus.

So let me ask you this:

Do you love Him? Not the feelings but the action? Do you truly know He loves you?

Start there—not with your strength or striving, but by returning to the altar of surrender. Let prayer become the rhythm of your life and the mark you’re known by.

GRACE MADE A WAY, BUT SACRIFICIAL WORSHIP WALKS IT

Every religion on earth recognises this one truth: the divine requires sacrifice. Yet in Christianity, we’ve flipped it. We’ve made it all about us—our comfort, our blessings, our breakthroughs. “Give me, give me…me, me, me!” we cry. We’ve misunderstood Christ’s sacrifice as an excuse to give nothing in return. But Scripture tells a different story. The blood of Jesus wasn’t shed so we could sit back—it was poured out so we could draw near to God and receive the mercy and grace we desperately need (Hebrews 4:16). And Romans 12:1 makes it plain: “In view of God’s mercy…” our response must be to offer ourselves—our lives—as a living sacrifice in worship.

His sacrifice made a way. Our sacrifice, is to walk it.

PRACTICAL STEP: TAKE THE “PRESENCE CHALLENGE”

Want a real, practical “how”? Try this: set aside 20 minutes a day for 7 days just to be with Him. No agenda. No performance. No pretending. Let silence, Scripture, and surrender do their work.

Ask Him this,

“How do you want me to love you today?”

The truth is that we can’t play the game if we do not show up for practice. Remember that you can’t love someone you do not know, and how will you know them if you do not spend time with them? So let love grow in the soil of His presence.

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

1. Have I been measuring my love for God by feelings or by action?
2. Where do I struggle to “stay” in His presence?
3. What does sacrifice look like in my current season?
4. How can I build love through daily time, not just emotional highs?
5. What would change if I truly believed God wanted me more than my results?
6. BONUS QUESTION: What feeling is keeping me from bringing my sacrifice?

A PRAYER

Lord,

I’ve spent so long trying to love You through striving—through guilt, through effort, through trying harder—never realising I was missing what You’d already made clear: the way You need to be loved. But today, I choose a better way. I choose to come back. Teach me how to remain. Let my time speak louder than my words. Let my presence become my worship. Soften my heart—not by fear, but by Your kindness. I love You—even when it’s faint, even when it’s fragile. Make that love take shape in how I live.

Amen.