THERE’S NO “I” IN TEAM, EXCEPT…

We’ve all heard it: “There’s no ‘i’ in team.” It’s a phrase tossed around to remind us that real achievement requires us to look beyond ourselves, prioritizing the team’s needs over personal agendas. And yet, we’ve all encountered those who seem determined to make themselves the centre, subtly making themselves the “i” in team—or, if we’re honest, that hidden “i” hiding in the “a-hole.”

The ironic twist? In our relationship with God and others, our own egos—the small “i”—can just as easily threaten the harmony we’re called to cultivate and we end up being the “i” in the A-hole.

As we delve deeper, the call to humility, teamwork, and selflessness in the kingdom of God becomes even more significant in light of a greater commandment—the royal law of love. In James 2:8 we read,

“If you really fulfil the royal law according to the Scripture, You shall love your neighbour as yourself, you are doing well.”

We are invited on a journey far beyond group projects or daily collaboration, to collaborate as co-creators of God’s New World Order. In essence, we are being invited to leave the “A”-team and join “team Jesus.”

It’s a journey that demands the surrender of the self-centred “i,” inviting us to love God “with all your heart, soul, and mind” (Matthew 22:37) and, by extension, to love others as ourselves.

But how does this “royal law” intersect with the challenges of everyday life, where our hearts are often divided, distracted, or guarded? Or even when we ourselves become overwhelmed with demands of life and feel too emotionally exhausted to give?

In today’s world, it often feels like we barely have enough for ourselves. Society has become increasingly hostile to the individual—a relentless corporate machine that grinds us down, extracting everything it can and leaving behind the fragmented, tattered remnants of our lives.

The feeling of being overwhelmed can make it incredibly challenging to live out the greatest commandment: to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. It often leaves us asking, How can I possibly achieve something so vast when the small, striving “i” feels completely inadequate? This raises a deeper question: Which “i” or “I” is attempting to fulfill this commandment in the first place?

Is it the self-reliant, ego-driven “i” trying to muster the strength to love God through sheer effort? Or is it the surrendered, Spirit-led “I” that recognizes its dependence on God’s grace to even begin to love Him fully? The answer lies in understanding that the small “i”—our limited, human self—was never designed to carry such a divine mandate alone. Instead, it is the “I” in Christ, empowered by His Spirit, that makes loving God not only possible but natural.

The question then shifts from How can I do this? to Am I allowing Christ in me to love God through me? This reframing invites us to step away from striving and lean into abiding, where God’s love flows in and through us, enabling us to respond to Him as He commands.

LOVING GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART: EMBRACING THE ROYAL LAW OF LOVE

This command from Jesus may feel daunting or even overwhelming, i.o.w. “How can I love others fully, let alone God to the extent He demands?” we wonder. And that’s precisely the question that begins the journey. This question exposes a core struggle—our own resistance, inability and hesitation to love fully.

The small “i” is inherently limited in its ability to fulfil God’s commands because it is rooted in self-interest, pride, and fear—in short, a worldview framed by scarcity self-preservation.

When commanded to love others selflessly, forgive unconditionally, or serve humbly, the small “i” struggles, as it is focused on self-preservation, “fairness” and personal gain.

It sees God’s commands as obligations or as challenges contrary to these survivalist paradigm and a challenge to its own sense of control.

In contrast, the big “I”—our true, God-centred self—can fulfil these commands because it draws strength from God’s love and knows its identity is secure in Him.

As New Creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) we have the same spiritual DNA as is our Heavenly Father, and “God is love.” (1 John 4:8). This makes natural inhabitants of heaven rather than earth.

The big “I” acts from a place of abundance and generosity, enabling us to love, forgive, and serve freely without seeking anything in return, embodying God’s love. We know God is our source and will always ensure that the axles are balanced in our favour, that is not up to us. If we take care of His business He will always take care of us, that is what it means to seek the Kingdom of God first.

As Paul says, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20), showing that only by living from the big “I” can we truly align with God’s will, and we can because we are not left on our own.

Spiritual practice plays a crucial role in sustaining the health of the big “I”—our eternal, God-centred self—while keeping the small “i,” or ego, in check. When we are overwhelmed and exhausted it is usually an indication that we are living from the small “i” instead of the big “i”, and that is because we have neglected our vital life supplying connection with God, the Source.

The small “i” is rooted in worldly concerns, defined by achievements, possessions, and approval from others. Left unchecked, it often directs our actions and attitudes, leading us into patterns of fear, self-centeredness, and dissatisfaction. Spiritual practice is viewed as non-sense and there it cannot relate to it. Consequently the small “i” will always avoid it at all costs, quit literally.

The big “I,” however, is our true identity in Christ, grounded in the New Creation and sustained by God’s unconditional love and purpose. It is from this place that we find our deepest peace, security, and meaning, but more on that in the next blogpost.

This reveals an inner tension. A part of us that is torn between knowing about God and truly knowing Him intimately, where the resistance melts away., and apart that cannot know God.

For, as we come to see, “Jesus is naturally attractive,” meaning that to truly know Him is to love Him. We can only love what we know, and the truth is, we fear the unknown, we certainly do not love it!

RECOGNIZING THE STRUGGLE

Many of us wrestle with this command not because we don;t want to do “the right thing,” but because on the one hand, we know we can’t do it, and the hand, we don’t want to do it.

The real reason for our dilemma, as we will see, is that we do not understand the command.

We expect the full attention, loyalty and presence from others in our significant relationships, yet we find it difficult, impossible and perhaps even unreasonable to reciprocate the same with God. It is vital however to engage with this tension, as doing so will cause it to yield its secrets to us.

Rightly understood, the words and character of Jesus are not about condemnation, but salvation. As He Himself stated,

“God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him” (John 3:17)

This reminds us that our call to love isn’t just about following a command by rote but about “wisdom” and “understanding” in the matter. Ultimately, as we will see, it’s about drawing close, setting aside our ego—the small “i”— and recognizing that our spiritual journey hinges on knowing God truly, rather than merely conceptually. And we will explain what that means in due course.

ABRAHAM: THE FRIEND OF GOD

Abraham’s relationship with God is often described as a friendship, but this was no ordinary friendship—it was one of profound intimacy, loyalty, and trust. In calling Abraham “friend,” God is recognizing him as a covenant partner. In ancient times, to be called a “friend” of a sovereign, especially of God, placed someone in a position of unique privilege and honor. Friendship in this context was not merely about affection but was deeply rooted in covenant loyalty and mutual commitment.

James 2:23 puts it beautifully:

“And the scripture was fulfilled that says, ‘Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness’—and he was called a friend of God.”

In the Greek text, the phrase “friend of God” is rendered as φίλος τοῦ Θεοῦ (phílos tou Theoû). Here, φίλος (phílos) conveys a sense of warmth and close affection, rooted in the Greek verb φιλέω (philéō), meaning “to love” or “to be fond of.” This term suggests a bond of care and mutual support—a friendship based on trust, affection, and shared commitment.

Abraham’s title as God’s friend also implies a relationship of action and loyalty. It wasn’t merely an emotional connection but one where love and faithfulness were expressed through action. Abraham’s trust in God was so deep that his faith became a living demonstration of covenant loyalty. This action-based love mirrors the Greek idea that affection grows from acts of loyalty and goodness—what we might call “love in action.”

In the New Testament, “friend of God” implies a profound bond, a connection that transcends companionship. Abraham’s friendship with God rested on covenant love—a relationship rooted in unwavering trust and mutual duty. In Greek, the phrase could even be interpreted as “the one whom God loves” or “the one who loves God,” highlighting a reciprocal relationship where love and faithfulness flow in both directions.

In Hebrew, the term “friend of God” (Isaiah 41:8) is expressed as “אַהֲבִי” (Ahavi), which translates to “the one whom I love” and, by extension, “the one who loves me.” This phrase, rooted in the Hebrew verb אהב (ahav, “to love”), combined with the possessive suffix “י” (yod, indicating “my” or “mine”), captures the covenantal intimacy of the bond. Ahavi signifies a relationship marked by a deep, loyal love.

Abraham’s covenant friendship with God serves as an inspiring model of covenant faithfulness—a relationship that extends beyond reverence into mutual love. Through Abraham, we see that true friendship with God is rooted in the unbreakable bond of covenant love.

LOVING GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART: EMBRACING THE ROYAL LAW OF LOVE

Personally, whenever I heard the command to “love God with all your heart, soul, and mind,” my first thought was, “How unreasonable!” How could anyone—let alone myself—possibly achieve this?

That gut reaction, I now see, is not only human but also a sign that we’re engaging with the command rather than running from it. We find it uncomfortable because it challenges our double standards. We’re quick to judge God’s command as too demanding, yet demand full, undivided attention from others without blinking an eye.

At the heart of this challenge lies a profound truth: theory is one thing, but practice is an entirely different ballgame. When it comes to Christianity theory must become practice, that is where the rubber hits the road. Our theology “knowing about God” must become theognosis “knowing Him truly.”

If what I am learning intellectually doesn’t actually help me to get closer to God, then what I am learning is useless.

As we mature in our walk with and in Christ, we are called to move beyond mere head knowledge and into heart knowledge. Head knowledge—while valuable—often remains intellectual, limited to understanding facts and doctrines about God. However, heart knowledge transforms that understanding into lived experience, where the truths we believe are internalized, shaping how we live, think, and love.

This shift involves more than knowing about God; it requires knowing Him intimately, allowing His presence to dwell deeply within us. It’s the difference between reciting a verse like, “God is love,” and truly experiencing the depth of His love in your own life. Heart knowledge comes through surrender, trust, and daily fellowship with the Spirit, as He writes God’s truths on the tablets of our hearts.

As Paul prayed in Ephesians 3:17-19, it is through this heart knowledge that we are “rooted and grounded in love” and able to “know [up close and intimately] the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” This kind of knowing transcends the mind—it transforms us from the inside out, enabling us to walk in the fullness of God’s presence and purpose.

The distinction between theology and theognosis boils down to a simple but profound question: Am I spending time with Him or not? If not, then I don’t know Him.

Theology is the study of God—it’s knowing about Him, understanding His nature, His works, His plans. It’s intellectual, academic, and can be pursued from a distance. You can learn about God without ever truly knowing Him.

But theognosis is something far deeper. It’s the experiential knowledge of God—knowing Him personally, intimately, as you would know a close friend or a beloved partner. It’s not about just learning facts; it’s about encountering Him, being in His presence, and allowing that relationship to transform you.

So, when we ask ourselves, “Am I spending time with Him?” we’re asking whether we’re just practicing theology—accumulating knowledge—or whether we’re engaging in theognosis, truly connecting with God in a way that goes beyond theory and into living relationship. The difference is profound, and it is this personal, intimate encounter with God that truly changes us.

Knowing Him deeply would dissolve any sense of burden because to know Him, as I’ve come to understand, is to love Him. I remember once hearing someone say, “Jesus is naturally attractive,” meaning that to truly know Him is to be irresistibly drawn to Him. But how can you know someone, let alone love them, if you do not spend time with them? makes you think doesn’t it!

The Apostle Paul understood this deeply. In 1 Timothy 1:15, he humbly writes,

“Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”

Here is a second realization that strikes equally hard. Let’s be honest—people can be difficult. People as it turns out are natural “A”-holes. There’s no polite way to say it: sometimes, people act like real jerks. And I don’t exclude myself from this critique. Like Paul, who admitted he was the “chief of sinners” I’m the first to acknowledge that I fall into this category too. I too am a chief “A”-hole. I know that to be a fact because I can see the wake of disaster I have left behind me in my rear view mirror. Sinner, at this point, doesn’t quite cover it for me.

Don’t believe the hype you see on social media. These platforms are, at their core, self-promotion machines, where we carefully curate a narrative that makes us look far better than we actually are. They help us distance ourselves from the messy, flawed people we truly are—our inner “A”-holes, if we’re being honest. In essence, we’re all just a-holes in digital camouflage, hiding behind filtered versions of ourselves.

NIRVANA: COME AS YOU ARE

This always reminds me of a real human, Kurt Cobain, and the song that could have come straight from the pages of the Bible itself.

“Come As You Are”

Come as you are, as you were
As I want you to be
As a friend, as a friend
As an old enemy
Take your time, hurry up
Choice is yours, don’t be late
Take a rest as a friend
As an old memoria

Memoria
Memoria
Memoria

Come doused in mud, soaked in bleach
As I want you to be
As a trend, as a friend
As an old memoria

Memoria
Memoria
Memoria

And I swear that I don’t have a gun
No, I don’t have a gun
No, I don’t have a gun

Memoria
Memoria
Memoria
Memoria (No, I don’t have a gun)

And I swear that I don’t have a gun
No, I don’t have a gun
No, I don’t have a gun
No, I don’t have a gun
No, I don’t have a gun

Memoria
Memoria

This song echoes the spirit of the message of Scripture. We are called to come as we are, with our past. We don’t need to fear that God will “kill” us. There is no threat, only open arms ready to embrace.

We will look at this sing in more depth in another post.

COMPASSIONATE LOVE BIRTHED IN UNDERSTANDING

There is a plus side to understanding how flawed and messy I am, and it is this. If anything, my own shortcomings teach me empathy and deepen my understanding of why loving God and others is such a transformative command.

Who after all needs love, compassion and understanding more than me?

Often, we may view others’ struggles critically while downplaying our own. We compare their performance to our good intentions, but Paul’s words remind us that self-examination and honesty are essential to fully embracing God’s grace and, by extension, His love. It’s this humility that draws us nearer to God’s heart, allowing His love to embrace us as we are.

We come to God not so much because we love Him, but because we need to be loved, as as 1 John 4:8 tell us,

“Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Hopefully this verse will take on new meaning for you by the end of this post.

Prayer: The Ultimate Expression of Love

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s easy to get caught up in a million tasks and distractions, often forgetting the profound power that prayer holds—not just as a ritual, but as the ultimate expression of love. Prayer, at its core, is an act of surrender, a way to channel our deepest hopes, concerns, and intentions for the well-being of others. But it’s also something more: it is the highest form of love we can offer, and here’s why.

You Can’t Hate Those You Pray For

It’s impossible to truly pray for someone and harbour hatred toward them at the same time. Think about it: when you pray for another person, you are actively seeking their good, even if they have wronged you, hurt you, or disappointed you. Prayer forces you to confront your own biases, grudges, and anger, offering an opportunity for reconciliation within your own heart.

When we pray for someone, we are putting aside judgment and replacing it with compassion. Love and hate cannot coexist in the same space. You can choose to be angry, but when you pray, you are choosing a path of healing, empathy, and understanding. Prayer becomes a transformative act, not just for the one you’re praying for, but for yourself as well. By lifting someone up in prayer, you are choosing to love them despite their flaws, despite the wrongs they’ve committed, or perhaps even because of the way they have challenged you to grow.

God’s Power vs. Our Limitations

In our human capacity, there are countless things we cannot do—no matter how hard we try or how much effort we put in. We cannot heal every wound, fix every relationship, or solve every problem. But God can. Through prayer, we align ourselves with divine power, tapping into something far greater than ourselves. We release the need to control and open ourselves to the possibility of miracles—transformations that we could never accomplish on our own.

When we pray, we acknowledge that there are forces beyond our understanding at work, and that God can do far more than we could ever imagine. It’s the ultimate surrender of pride and control, and in that surrender, we are expressing our deepest love for others: a love that trusts in the infinite goodness and power of God to make things right in ways we cannot. Through prayer, we are entrusting the people we care about into God’s hands, knowing that His plan is greater and more loving than anything we could conceive.

Can You Truly Love Someone If You Don’t Pray for Them?

We often hear that love is not just a feeling, but an action. But even more than that, love is an ongoing choice, a commitment to the well-being of others, regardless of how we feel in the moment. You can’t truly love someone if you are not actively seeking their good in all areas of their life, and that includes through prayer.

Think about the people you truly love—your family, your closest friends, your spouse. Do you pray for them? Not just in moments of crisis, but regularly? If you say you love someone, but you never pray for them, are you really living out that love? Prayer is a profound act of care. It’s an invitation for God to work in the lives of those we love, even when we don’t know what they need, or can’t fix things ourselves. It’s a declaration that we desire their flourishing, their healing, their peace. When we pray for someone, we are committing to stand alongside them in the invisible, spiritual realm, helping carry the burdens they may not even know they have.

Getting to Know Someone More Deeply Leads to Greater Love

Have you ever experienced the deepening of affection for someone simply by getting to know them better? Maybe it was a friend, a colleague, or even a stranger who, over time, became someone you cared for deeply. The more you learn about a person—their struggles, their dreams, their history—the more you begin to see them as a whole person, worthy of love, compassion, and care. The same is true for our relationship with God.

This dynamic is not just about human relationships. When we pray for others, we also get to “know” and love them on a deeper level—not just through what they say to us, but through the ways we seek God’s will for their lives.

Prayer opens up our hearts to a new dimension of understanding. It helps us see people in their complexity, not just their surface-level qualities. When we pray, we learn more about what they need, what they’re struggling with, and what they hope for. And this deeper knowledge fosters a more authentic love.

Moreover, prayer doesn’t just deepen our love for those we pray for—it also transforms the way we see the world. It calls us to look beyond the superficial judgments we often make and recognize the inherent dignity and worth of every person. The more we pray for others, the more we are called to love them unconditionally.

Prayer: The Best Way to Love God

We often hear that love is shown through time, presence and attention. Especially sacrificial time. If you love someone, you make time for them. You invest in the relationship, listen to them, and seek their company. The same holds true in our relationship with God. If we truly love God, then we must spend time with Him—time in prayer.

Prayer is the bridge between this world and the ethereal world beyond the veil. It that connects us to God. It’s in the quiet moments of prayer that we can hear His voice, feel His presence, and seek His guidance. It’s through prayer that we cultivate a deep, personal relationship with our Creator. If we say we love God but never spend time with Him, then what are we really saying? You can’t claim to love someone if you never take the time to nurture that relationship. Prayer is how we show our love for God, not just in moments of need, but consistently, intentionally.

Through prayer, we express our gratitude, surrender our lives to His will, and invite Him into every area of our existence. It’s where we learn to listen, to trust, and to grow in faith. The more time we spend with God in prayer, the more our hearts align with His, and the deeper our love for Him grows. Prayer becomes the most authentic way to say, “I love You” to God—because it’s in prayer that we are truly present with Him.

Prayer: The Best Way to Love Yourself

It might seem counterintuitive, but prayer is one of the most profound ways to love yourself. When we pray, we not only lift others up, but we also connect with our deepest needs, desires, and longings. Prayer invites us to reflect on our own hearts, to seek healing for our wounds, and to surrender our anxieties and fears. It’s in prayer that we can find peace, comfort, and direction, even in our most uncertain moments.

Loving yourself isn’t about self-affirmation or selfish indulgence; it’s about nurturing your spirit and allowing God’s love to flow through you. Through prayer, we align ourselves with God’s truth—His deep love for us and His desire for us to flourish. It’s a reminder that we are worthy of love, grace, and peace, not because of anything we’ve done, but because of who we are in Him.

When we pray, we open our hearts to God’s divine healing and transformation. In that sacred space, we allow Him to remind us of our inherent worth and create room for His guidance as we journey toward becoming who He created us to be. Prayer nurtures a deep sense of self-worth by revealing how valuable we are in God’s eyes. It replaces the lies that whisper we’re unworthy or undeserving of love—lies that often convince us we don’t deserve the help we need.

Many of us carry guilt, feeling as though we should be strong enough to handle life’s challenges on our own. But the truth is, we’re fragile clay vessels—intrinsically weak and dependent on our Creator. And that’s okay. What’s not okay is avoiding God’s presence, shutting Him out of our struggles, or denying Him the joy of fulfilling His heart’s desire: to love us, strengthen us, and walk with us through every trial.

In prayer, we surrender our independence and admit our need for Him—not as a sign of failure, but as an act of trust in the One who longs to carry our burdens and meet our needs.

In this sense, prayer is not just a way to express love for God and others—it’s also a sacred act of learning to love ourselves by experiencing how deeply God loves us. Through prayer, we come to see ourselves as He sees us, cherished and valued beyond measure.

After all, you could say we were created for prayer because we were created for relationship with God. God is the ultimate lover, who better to learn from? And how better to spend time with Him than in the intimate, transformative dialogue of prayer?

The Pinnacle of Love Through Prayer

In every way, prayer is the ultimate expression of love. It is the act that transcends all human limitations, allowing us to love not only with our words and actions but also with our deepest, most intimate desires for the good of others, for God, and for ourselves. Through prayer, we choose to love even when it’s difficult, and we invite God to do what we could never do alone.

If you truly love someone—whether a friend, a family member, or even an enemy—pray for them. If you want to show your love for God, make time to speak to Him, listen to Him, and commune with Him regularly. And if you want to love yourself, begin with prayer: make space for God to heal, strengthen, and guide you. Prayer is the ultimate way to express love, because in praying, we are aligning ourselves with love itself.

OXYGEN FOR THE SOUL: LOVING YOURSELF TO LOVE OTHERS

The world has been in freefall since Genesis 3—the Fall of mankind. Like a plane losing altitude, the chaos, pain, and brokenness around us scream for urgent action. People are gasping for hope, for love, for life itself. And yet, when the oxygen masks drop in an emergency, what’s the first thing they tell you to do? Put it on yourself before helping anyone else. Why? Because you cannot save someone else if you are gasping for air yourself.

This is the essence of prayer. It’s not a luxury; it’s a necessity. It’s your oxygen mask. Without it, you’re running on fumes, trying to love God and others from a place of emptiness. Jesus’ greatest commandment—to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind and to love others as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39)—is impossible to fulfil if you neglect your own spiritual survival. How can you pour out love for others if you haven’t first breathed in God’s love for you?

From the inside out. Prayer is the oxygen for transforming love.

Prayer is where this exchange happens. It’s where God fills your lungs with His grace, strength, and healing. It’s where you’re reminded of your worth, even when you feel unworthy. It’s where He breathes life into your fragile, clay vessel so that you can stand strong—not in your own power, but in His. Without prayer, we suffocate under the weight of life’s challenges, trying to power through on our own.

But here’s the challenge: too often, we avoid putting on the oxygen mask. We think we should be strong enough to handle it all. We believe the lies that say we’re unworthy of God’s help. But ignoring prayer is like refusing the very air you need to survive.

Jesus didn’t just command us to love others; He commanded us to love others as we love ourselves. That means first embracing His love for us, filling ourselves with His life-giving Spirit. When you put on the oxygen mask of prayer, you’re not being selfish—you’re equipping yourself to save others. Only then can you extend that same life, hope, and love to those gasping for air around you.

The world is in trouble. The masks have dropped. Will you put yours on? Will you breathe in His presence so that you can give others the oxygen they so desperately need?

STAY TUNED FOR PART TWO

Stay tuned for Part Two, where we will explore the profound truth that where God guides, He also provides. If He commands us to step into something—no matter how daunting or impossible it may seem—He has already made provision for its fulfilment. This is a foundational principle of faith: God never calls us to do what we cannot accomplish with His help. And that’s the key—it’s with His help, not in our own strength.

Time and again, Scripture makes it clear that we are not meant to rely on our own abilities, resources, or determination. Instead, we are called to lean fully on Him, allowing His Spirit to work through us. As the Lord Himself declares:

“Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord” (Zechariah 4:6).

In Part Two, we’ll delve deeper into this divine partnership—what it means to trust God’s provision, walk in His guidance, and depend on His Spirit to accomplish what He has called us to do. You won’t want to miss it!

Questions

• What is the distinction between the “small ‘i’” and the “big ‘I’” in the context of fulfilling God’s commands?
• How does the concept of “theognosis,” as opposed to theology, impact the understanding and practice of loving God?
• What role does prayer play in cultivating compassionate love, and how does it relate to the concept of God’s provision and guidance?

---

Photo by Nina Strehl via freelyphotos.com