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THE GOD OF SECOND CHANCES: EMBRACING MERCY, NOT LEGALISM

When it comes to matters of sin and forgiveness, particularly in the context of marriage and divorce, the tension between legalistic interpretations and the mercy of God can be a stumbling block for many. Consider the ongoing debate about adultery, forgiveness, and remarriage—issues that often prompt passionate discussions among Christians. But at the heart of this issue is not only the desire to understand God’s righteousness but also to grasp His incredible mercy.

In short, if we can’t come back and be restored after a failed marriage and a divorce then the gospel isn’t the good news it purports to be.

Sam Shamoun in a video on the topic, emphatically asserts (video linked below),

“There is no remarriage after adultery.”

His position is clear: marriage is a covenant that must not be broken, no matter the circumstance. For him, any deviation from this is an affront to the seriousness of the marriage vows. His view is, of course, incorrect; that is, it is at odds with the Spirit of the Bible that describes a compassionate God that comes to not only to seek and save but also, importantly, restore those who come to Christ.

While I do not question the seriousness or sanctity of the marriage covenant, I also suggest a more nuanced view. I rather align with the big picture that Scripture presents and acknowledge the reality of human weakness, 1 Corinthians 7:9 states,

“But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

The author challenges the rigid, legalistic interpretation that ignores the compassion of God, which is crucial when we consider how Scripture speaks to the failings of human beings. Not only that, the law cannot save you; a cursory study of human history and Paul’s treatise on the powerlessness of the law to save anyone makes that abundantly clear. The law, similar to a mirror, can only show us our shortcomings, but it can’t help us correct them. That is where the grace of God comes in (see Romans 1-8).

Question: Did Jesus say that once divorced, one should not get married?

Jesus did teach about the permanence of marriage, but the interpretation of whether remarriage is absolutely forbidden varies among Christians.

WHAT DID JESUS SAY ABOUT DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE?

In Matthew 19:3-9, Jesus responds to the Pharisees’ question about divorce:

“Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Then the Pharisees ask why Moses allowed divorce. Jesus replies:

“Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:8-9, ESV)

Similarly, in Mark 10:11-12, Jesus states:

“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

And in Luke 16:18:

“Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.”

DOES THIS MEAN REMARRIAGE IS ALWAYS FORBIDDEN?

Some take Jesus’ words to mean that remarriage after divorce is always adultery unless the first spouse has died, which legally speaking is more or less correct. Others point to Matthew 19:9, which includes an exception—“except for sexual immorality”—as evidence that divorce and remarriage may be permitted in cases of adultery.

Paul also addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7:15, stating that if an unbelieving spouse leaves, the believer is “not bound”—which some interpret as permission to remarry.

However this is not the end of the story.

God as the Arbitrator of the Covenant

Although Matthew 19:3-9 clearly states that man is not permitted to dissolve the marriage covenant, God—as the ultimate arbitrator of covenants made in His name—retains the authority to do what we cannot. A church wedding invokes His name over the marriage, making Him the one who oversees and enforces the covenant.

Ideally, unless one’s life is in immediate danger, the best course of action is to surrender the situation to God, allowing Him to work in it—whether by transforming you, changing the other person, or shifting the circumstances—until peace and joy are restored. This requires trust and faith that, as the arbitrator of the covenant and our loving Father, God will ensure that all things work together for our good (3 John 2).

Grace Does Not Lower the Standard—It Lifts the Fallen

Failing that, trusting God to work out the situation in our best interest, and if someone has already taken matters into their own hands, there is still no condemnation—only grace, restoration, and forgiveness. Romans 8:1 declares, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

We all need forgiveness for many things, and we need it often. God, in His mercy, supplies it as often as we need. Philippians 4:19 reassures us:

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

Likewise, 1 John 1:9 affirms that no sin is beyond His cleansing power. If there is no coming back from this particular “sin” or “mistake,” then by that logic, there is no coming back from any sin. But we know that is not the case. The Gospel is not a message of final condemnation—it is a message of hope, of second chances, of God making all things new.

So yes, while some assert that there is no remarriage after adultery, viewing marriage as an unbreakable covenant, regardless of circumstances, such a rigid interpretation conflicts with the broader message of Scripture—one that not only calls sinners to repentance but also extends restoration-and second chances-to the broken.

God is not here to hinder us, but to help us to live our fullest lives possible.

THE HEART OF THE ISSUE: MERCY VS LEGALISM

Jesus upheld the sanctity of marriage, but He also extended mercy to those who failed. The woman at the well in John 4 had been married five times, yet Jesus still offered her living water. In 1 John 1:9, we are reminded that God forgives and cleanses those who repent.

So, while Jesus clearly taught that marriage is meant to be lifelong, He also demonstrated that grace, redemption, and new beginnings are at the heart of the Gospel. The real question is: Do we reflect the legalism of the Pharisees, or do we reflect the mercy of Christ?

Answer: Yes, Jesus did say that divorce should not happen, and if it does, one should not remarry. His words in Matthew 19:3-9, Mark 10:11-12, and Luke 16:18 affirm the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong covenant. However, to fully grasp what Jesus was saying, we must consider who He was speaking to and the covenant under which they were living. It is critical to understand who He was speaking to and the framework they lived under—a framework of law, not grace. His words were directed at a people who operated under the Mosaic covenant, a system that was deeply legalistic and conditional. But for those in Christ, we are not merely under law; we are under grace—and that distinction makes all the difference.

THE SYMBOLISM OF MARRIAGE: GOD’S IDEAL FOR HUMANITY

Marriage is not just a contract between two people—it is a profound symbol of the union between God and His people. Paul later expands on this in Ephesians 5:31-32, stating that marriage ultimately reflects Christ’s covenant with the Church. This is why God’s ideal is lifelong commitment, faithfulness, and unity.

However, human weakness often interferes with this ideal. Jesus was not unaware of the brokenness of the world—He acknowledged it when He referenced Moses’ concession for divorce in Matthew 19. Yet, the intention behind His teaching was not to create a rigid, unbearable law but to elevate the sanctity of marriage—to remind people that it was not meant to be discarded casually.

GRACE DOES WHAT THE LAW CANNOT

Some argue that because Jesus upheld the permanence of marriage, remarriage is always prohibited. But if that were the case, where does grace fit in?

Grace does not lower God’s standard; it meets people where they fall short. The very nature of the Gospel is that Jesus redeems what is broken. The same God who restored Peter after his denial, who forgave the woman caught in adultery, and who welcomed the prodigal son home does not hold people hostage to their past mistakes.

If someone has been divorced and repents of their failings, they are not doomed to a life of isolation or permanent punishment. God, in His mercy, allows new beginnings. 1 John 1:9 reminds us that when we confess, He forgives, cleanses, and restores.

This is not about cheapening marriage or disregarding commitment. It is about recognising that God’s mercy is greater than our failures. If we hold to a view that permanently condemns the divorced, we risk becoming like the Pharisees—legalists who burden people with rules while ignoring the heart of God.

If we insist that there is no coming back from adultery or divorce, we must also assume that God applies this same rigid standard to all sins. But if that were true, then no one could be redeemed.

James 2:10 states,

“For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.”

If breaking one commandment permanently condemned us, then every sin would leave us beyond redemption. This contradicts the entire message of the Gospel, which is about grace, forgiveness, and restoration.

To claim that remarriage is an unforgivable sin while believing other sins are redeemable is to apply inconsistent legalism. Are we truly saved by grace, or are we trying to be justified by the law? If there is no coming back from this sin, then logically, there would be no coming back from any sin—a position that stands in direct opposition to the Gospel.

Oscar Wilde famously said,

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

Because of my own weakness I have a past, but because of Christ, praise God, I have a future.

The Bible affirms this reality. King David committed adultery and murder, yet God restored him. Peter denied Christ, yet he was reinstated. Paul persecuted Christians, yet he became the greatest advocate for grace.

If you are a divorcée—whether by circumstance, by necessity, or even by your own mistakes—let me tell you something that defies the shame, the whispers, and the weight of regret: God still loves you. Not a lesser love, not a diluted, reluctant, second-rate kind of love. No. A love that is fierce, unwavering, and whole. A love that does not flinch at your past or waver at your wounds. A love that is neither revoked nor reduced because of what you have been through.

Perhaps the divorce was mutual, or maybe it blindsided you. Perhaps you fought for the marriage until you had nothing left to give, or maybe you were the one who walked away, overwhelmed by your own humanity. No matter how it happened, here is what you need to know: God is not standing over you in disappointment, shaking His head at what could have been. He is not tallying up your failures or holding your past against you like a debt to be repaid. He is a Redeemer—one who turns ashes into beauty, sorrow into joy, endings into new beginnings.

And yes, He still has great plans for you. Plans that are not contingent upon whether or not you “deserve” them. Plans that have not been derailed or diminished just because your story took an unexpected turn. His purpose for your life is not on pause, waiting for you to somehow prove yourself worthy of a fresh start. Your best days are not behind you.

And if your heart still longs for love—if the dream of marriage still flickers within you—know this: It is not off the table. God is not a gatekeeper, rationing out second chances only to the most qualified. If you desire marriage, if companionship still calls to you, then it is not over. God does not withhold good things from His children. He is the One who restores, redeems, and redefines.

Remember 2 Corinthians 1:20:
“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ. And so through Him, the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God.”

God’s promises are not void because of your past. They still stand. His “Yes” over your life is not revoked, and your story is not beyond the reach of His restoration. So, lift your head. Breathe deep. Let hope settle in your bones. You are not disqualified. You are not forgotten. You are not too broken to be loved again. The same God who designed love, who authored covenant, who created the very essence of companionship—He sees you. He knows you. And He still has more in store for you.

THE TENSION BETWEEN LAW AND GRACE

Jesus upheld marriage as sacred and binding. But He also came to fulfil the law, not reinforce its weight on those who are broken. The message of Christ is not just about justice—it is about redemption. To those who have fallen, He does not say, “You are ruined forever.” He says,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

We should never use grace as an excuse to disregard God’s standards, but neither should we use law to erase God’s mercy.

This brings us to an important question: What is the role of mercy in the midst of failure, particularly when it comes to divorce and remarriage?

1. THE CALL TO MERCY OVER LEGALISM

In the Gospel, Jesus does not simply point to righteousness—He also points to grace. The Pharisees of Jesus’ time were quick to enforce the law, but Jesus always saw beyond the letter of the law to the heart of the person. He showed mercy to the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11), forgiving her and telling her to “go and sin no more.” Jesus, in His infinite mercy, doesn’t hold our past sins against us when we come to Him in repentance. He offers a clean slate, a fresh start.

That’s the essence of the gospel—the good news for faltering people. In 1 John 1:9, we read:

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

This is not just about being forgiven; it’s about being made just-as-if-you-haven’t-sinned. You are justified, washed clean of the past. This is a profound truth for all who have fallen short, whether in marriage or in any other area of life.

When you confess your sin, Jesus doesn’t just forgive you; He cleanses you, and in that cleansing, He removes the stain of sin from your record. If you’ve been divorced and repented, God doesn’t see you as an adulterer or someone unworthy of His grace. He sees you as a beloved child, capable of moving forward and starting afresh. This is not just doctrine—it’s the invitation of a loving God who longs to restore and redeem.

2. MERCY TRIUMPHS OVER JUDGEMENT

Many who cling to a strict, legalistic view of divorce and remarriage fail to take into account the heart of Scripture. Jesus, while affirming the sanctity of marriage, also demonstrates that God’s mercy is greater than our failures. This is crucial when considering individuals who have fallen into sin, particularly in the context of divorce.

Theologians like Sam Shamoun may argue that divorce is an unpardonable breach of covenant, but the truth remains: God’s mercy far exceeds the rigidity of human interpretation. Mercy, after all, is what sets Christianity apart from a mere religion of rules. Scripure rightly reminds us that the heart of the Gospel is not to condemn, but to heal, to demonstrate God’s incredible mercy. People fail. They sin. They stumble. But Jesus—the God of second chances—offers redemption to all who seek it.

3. LEGALISM AND THE STRUGGLE FOR CONTROL

At the root of much of the legalistic interpretation around divorce and remarriage is a desire to control, to set up barriers, and to make others feel unworthy of God’s love. Some who have not accepted God’s love and mercy seems to adopt this mindset, focusing on the Catechism as an ultimate authority, seemingly overlooking the radical mercy demonstrated by Jesus. In his view, only annulment or staying single are acceptable options, but this legalistic approach misses the point. God’s mercy is not limited by human constructs.

When we become fixated on legalism, we can lose sight of the greater truth: Jesus came to fulfill the law, but also to offer a new way, a way marked by forgiveness and grace. It’s not about minimizing sin; it’s about maximizing mercy.

4. THE GOSPEL IS THE GOOD NEWS OF NEW BEGINNINGS

Jesus, in His great love, does not demand perfection; He offers forgiveness. “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.” (Psalm 103:8) For those who have suffered through divorce or failed relationships, there is good news: the God who sees your brokenness invites you into a new beginning. Jesus—the Lord of New Beginnings—offers you a chance to start again, to be healed, to be made whole. This is the hope we have in Christ.

If you’ve been through divorce and feel as though you are beyond hope or forgiveness, remember this: God’s mercy is greater than any mistake, greater than any failed relationship. If you confess your sin, He is faithful to forgive and cleanse you. You have permission to start again, not because of anything you’ve done, but because of everything He has done.

So, the question remains: Do we want to cling to a legalistic view that keeps people trapped in shame, or do we want to reflect the heart of Jesus, who came to set the captives free? Jesus invites us to embrace His mercy, not to impose human-made obstacles that stand in the way of His love.

Conclusion

In the end, mercy always triumphs over judgment. Jesus came not to condemn the world, but to save it (John 3:16-17). And if you’ve been through divorce, or if you’re struggling with failure, remember this: God is the God of second chances, the Lord of New Beginnings. His mercy knows no bounds.

KEY OBSERVATIONS

• Jesus was not creating a new law—He was restoring God’s original intent for marriage. His goal was not to impose an unbearable burden but to call people back to the sacredness of marriage as God designed it.
• He acknowledged that Moses permitted divorce because of human hardness, but this was never God’s ideal. The concession was made due to sin, not because divorce was ever meant to be normative or desirable.
• He makes an exception for “sexual immorality” (Greek: porneia), which some interpret as adultery, while others believe it refers to unlawful unions (such as incestuous or non-covenantal marriages, as seen in Jewish law). This debate shapes whether remarriage after divorce is ever permissible.
• Jesus’ teaching was both a rebuke to those who treated divorce lightly and an invitation to embrace a higher calling in relationships. He pointed beyond rigid legalism to the heart of God—one that values faithfulness but also extends grace to the fallen.
• While marriage reflects God’s covenant with humanity, grace acknowledges human weakness and offers restoration. The tension between justice and mercy is resolved in Christ, who upholds truth while making room for redemption.

Ultimately, the question is not just about legality but about God’s character—is He a God who merely enforces rules, or is He a God who redeems the broken and gives second chances?

RECOMMENDED READING (AMAZON)

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION

1. How has the experience of divorce shaped my understanding of God’s love and grace? Do I believe His love for me remains unshaken despite my past?
2. What do I need to release in order to fully embrace the truth that God still has great plans for me, no matter what has happened in the past?
3. How does the truth of 2 Corinthians 1:20 — that all God’s promises are “Yes” in Christ — speak to my current season of life? Which promises can I claim today?
4. Do I believe that God still has room for the desire of companionship in my life, and if so, how can I align my heart with His will for me in this area?
5. What steps can I take to open my heart to healing and hope, trusting that my best days are ahead, not behind me?

DEVOTIONAL PRAYER

Heavenly Father,

I come before You today with a heart full of gratitude for Your unfailing love. Even when I have stumbled and fallen, You have never let me go. I thank You that Your love is not conditioned by my past mistakes, nor by the hurts I carry. You are the Redeemer, the One who makes all things new. You are not shaken by my story, and You do not view me as a failure, but as Your beloved child.

Lord, I confess that sometimes I struggle to fully embrace the truth that You still have great plans for me. There are moments when the weight of past decisions, of broken dreams, feels too heavy to bear. But today, I claim Your promise: all Your promises are “Yes” in Christ. I trust that Your purpose for my life has not been diminished, nor has Your plan for my future been derailed. You are still at work, still moving, still leading me into new beginnings.

Father, I open my heart to Your healing. I ask You to help me release the pain, the shame, and the regret, and to trust that You are using every part of my journey to shape me into who You’ve called me to be. If there is still a desire for love in my heart, I lay it before You and ask that You would lead me in the right direction, according to Your will. I trust that, in Your timing, You will make all things beautiful.

Thank You for Your faithfulness. Thank You that, in You, there is always hope, always restoration, always the possibility of a brighter tomorrow. Help me to walk in the freedom of Your love, knowing that You are with me, guiding me, and renewing me each day.

In Jesus’ name, I pray,
Amen.

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