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The Struggle with Desire
Sexual desire is one of the most powerful forces within human nature. For Christians, it often presents a unique challenge, as faith calls for discipline and purity, yet the body demands fulfilment. It too has a mission: the preservation and dissemination of its genetic material. To assume we have full control over this genetic imperative—this built-in protocol—while inhabiting a semi-autonomous vessel is to deceive ourselves. And make no mistake, that is precisely what the body is: an earth-suit, much like a space suit. Without it, we could neither exist in the physical realm nor interact with it.
That is to say, we are hardwired for sex as the primary means of preserving genetic information. And while this is undeniably a powerful impulse, we are more than just the earth-bound vessel we inhabit.
This struggle between what the human spirit longs for, that is our true selves with its higher values, purpose, and connection to God, and the body, with its immediate cravings and primal instincts, is one of the oldest tensions in human existence. But for those who have tasted the intimacy of marriage and then faced divorce, this battle takes on an even sharper edge.
To have once shared life, soul, and body with another, to have experienced the safety and sanctity of that bond, and then to lose it, is not just an emotional wound—it is a spiritual and physiological upheaval. The body, accustomed to a rightful expression of desire, now experiences denial. The soul, once intertwined with another, now wrestles with the void left behind. And the mind, caught between faith and longing, wonders: How do I walk rightly before God when my very being cries out for what it once knew?
It is in this vulnerable space that many look to marriage as the answer—the solution to unfulfilled desire. The longing for companionship and intimacy is God-given, and Paul himself acknowledges in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that “it is better to marry than to burn [with desire].” But is marriage truly the cure for the war within? If that were the case, why do so many within marriage still struggle with lust, loneliness, and dissatisfaction?
If marriage alone were the solution, then those who entered into it would never battle with temptation, and those who were in it would never fall into sin. Yet we see adultery, pornography addiction, emotional affairs, and unmet expectations even within Christian marriages. This is because the issue is not simply one of access but of mastery—and mastery is not achieved through external structures alone.
The real question, then, is not “Will marriage fix this?” but “What is God’s deeper answer?” Scripture points to something beyond mere status—whether married or single—and calls us to true spiritual dominion over the flesh. If self-control does not exist outside of marriage, it will not suddenly manifest within it. True freedom does not come from a change in circumstances but from a transformed inner life, from walking by the Spirit rather than being ruled by the flesh (Galatians 5:16).
So, what is the real answer? It is found not in striving to suppress desire through sheer willpower, nor in seeking marriage as a quick fix, but in cultivating a life so deeply rooted in God that the spirit, not the flesh, holds the reins.
The Question of Marriage as a Remedy
As I reflected on a recent conversation, the statement—“God’s remedy for sexual immorality is marriage”—continued to occupy my thoughts. On the surface, this seems reasonable, even biblical. After all, Paul himself states:
“Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: ‘It is good for a man not to touch a woman.’ But because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband… But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.”
— 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 9
The more I pondered this, the more I questioned whether marriage is truly a solution or merely a concession—a temporary restraint rather than a true cure. If marriage were indeed the ultimate solution, would it not have the power to subdue all fleshly desires? Yet we know that even within marriage, struggles with temptation, lust, and dissatisfaction persist. If marriage were truly the answer, why do people still commit adultery? Why do they still wrestle with desire? Why does marriage itself sometimes crumble under the weight of unmet expectations?
To truly understand the problem, we must look beyond marriage for the answer. Marriage, like any of God’s gifts to us, only works properly when connected to the source of power, life, and love—God Himself.
If the solution we attempt to apply does not work outside of marriage, it will not work inside of marriage either.
However, God already has a prescription for what ails mankind. But, the notion that marriage alone cures lust is fundamentally flawed. Lust—the Germanic word for desire—is not simply about lack of access; it is about an undisciplined inner world that is reflected outwardly into the world that surrounds us. 3 John 1:2 states,
“Beloved, I pray that in every way you may prosper and enjoy good health, even as your soul also prospers.“
Rashi, in his commentary on Genesis, speaks of the yetzer hara—the inclination toward evil, which is not eliminated through external constraints but through internal transformation. Jewish teachers have long warned of the deceptive nature of the inclination toward evil.
“At first, the evil inclination is but a passing visitor. Then, it becomes a guest. And in the end, it becomes the master of the house.”
This perfectly describes the progression of unchecked desire. What begins as a fleeting thought—a passing temptation—soon settles into the heart, takes up residence in the mind, and if left unchallenged, seizes control of the will. The struggle between spirit and flesh is not a momentary battle but a continual war for dominance.
This is why mere external constraints, such as marriage, are not enough to bring true mastery. If lust is entertained, it will eventually dethrone righteousness and enthrone itself in its place. If temptation is tolerated, it will soon dictate behaviour. True victory does not come from managing desire through external means, but through radical inner transformation—a reordering of dominion where the spirit rules over the flesh, not the other way around.
Thus, salvation comes from within not from without.
Similarly, Matthew Henry, in his commentary on Galatians, reminds us that the flesh wars against the spirit and that external measures—rules, vows, and institutions—cannot tame it. This is the primary reason why True mastery comes only through walking in the spirit.
“The corruption of nature, which is called ‘the flesh,’ lusts against the Spirit, and opposes all the motions of the Spirit of God in the soul. The flesh inclines men to evil, and hinders them from doing the good which they would do; the Spirit of God and of grace opposes the corrupt inclinations and sinful desires of the flesh. And these are contrary one to the other, so that we cannot do the things that we would. It is a conflict that will last as long as we live. But the victory will be complete in heaven. The apostle does not suppose that good men live without sin, nor that their will is always weakened and hindered; he urges the struggle, and the necessity of putting off the old man and putting on the new. Those who are led by the Spirit are free from the dominion of sin, though not from its presence.” (Matthew Henry, Commentary on Galatians 5:17)
Ancient philosophers also recognised this. Plato distinguished between epithumia (base desires) and logos (rational thought), arguing that true virtue arises from an inner discipline rather than from external regulation. He is so close, but does not quite reach the true solution that Paul recognises. Seneca also, the Roman Stoic, observed that “a man’s vices follow him wherever he goes,” meaning that without inner transformation, no external change—marriage included—can bring true virtue. WHile this is a good observation, it provides no conclusion.
In simple layman’s terms one might say that a dog barks because it is a dog. We could also say that wherever you go there you are, not only spirit but also flesh. Thus we cannot run from ourselves.
THE TRAP OF PERFECTING BY THE FLESH
Paul’s words in Galatians 3:3 strike at the heart of a common human struggle:
“Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?”
Here, Paul confronts the error of relying on human effort to complete what was started by divine grace. The Galatians, who had received the gospel through faith, were now being tempted to return to self-reliance—to believe that obedience to external laws or fleshly discipline could achieve what only the Spirit could accomplish.
This applies not only to salvation but to sanctification and mastery over the flesh. Many attempt to conquer sin through sheer willpower, mistaking external constraints for true transformation. But just as the law could not save, neither can rules, rituals, or even marriage subdue the desires of the flesh. If transformation begins in the Spirit, then only the Spirit can sustain and perfect it.
Paul’s words remind us that the path of victory is not in striving but in surrender, not in human effort but in divine empowerment.
Walking in the Spirit: The True Remedy
In Galatians 5:16, Paul offers a different answer:
“Walk in the spirit, and you will not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”
Many translations capitalise Spirit here, assuming Paul is referring to the Holy Spirit. But when we examine the broader context—especially in light of John 15 and the rest of Galatians 5—we see that this phrase refers to stirring up our own human spirits and thus our spiritual consciousness, as opposed to the animal consciousness of the body-that is, the autonomous machine code that facilitates self preservation.
As Epictetus observed:
“Every habit and faculty is preserved and increased by its corresponding actions: the faculty of walking by walking, of running by running. If you want to be a good reader, read; if you want to be a writer, write.”
This reflects the idea that whatever you repeatedly practice, you improve at or as Paul puts it in Romans 6:16,
“Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?”
A modern paraphrase of this principle is:
“We become what we repeatedly do, just as we are what we eat etc.”
Just as fruit does not grow directly from the vine or stem but from the branches—branches that represent those who abide in Christ and draw their life from Him. This distinction between Spirit (the Holy Spirit) and spirit (our human spirit) is critical; without it, we fail to grasp the role we are called to play in this divine process. It is not a matter of passive reliance but of active participation. Thus, whether we cultivate and strengthen our flesh or our spirit will determine which one takes dominion, shaping our desires, actions, and ultimately, our destiny.
The Babylon system, the corrupt and fallen order of this world, is designed to provoke, inflame, and enslave the most primal, carnal instincts within us. Unlike mere beasts, which can be controlled, corralled, and even manipulated to serve human purposes, humans carry the divine imprint—we are more than flesh and impulse. And yet, the world seeks to reduce us to the level of mere animals, convincing us that we are nothing more than biological machines, beasts of burden, ruled by cravings and bound by desire. It normalises indulgence, preaches self-gratification as freedom, and conditions us to surrender to whatever the body demands.
In doing so, it keeps us in a state of reliance and dependency while simultaneously making us vulnerable to exploitation. When we fail to exercise dominion over our own faculties—allowing the flesh rather than the spirit to lead—we become easily manipulated by external forces, whether cultural, economic, spiritual, societal, political or even religious. True freedom is found not in indulgence but in alignment with divine order, where dependence on God empowers rather than enslaves.
The “ghost in the machine” a phrase coined by philosopher Gilbert Ryle, was originally a critique of René Descartes’ dualism, the idea that the mind (or soul) exists separately from the physical body. Ryle dismissed this notion as a misunderstanding of human consciousness, arguing that thought and identity arise from the material workings of the brain rather than some separate, immaterial essence. Was he right? Well, yes and no. We can look at it in some other blog post.
In a broader sense, the term has come to symbolise the tension between spirit and flesh, the unseen self struggling within a physical autonomous vehicle. Scripture affirms this inner conflict—Paul describes the spirit and flesh as being at war (Galatians 5:17), and Jesus declares that while “the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41).
The increasing autonomy of modern vehicles provides a fitting analogy for the relationship between the human spirit and the human body. Just as today’s cars continuously monitor their surroundings—detecting potential threats and making automatic adjustments—our bodies operate with their own set of programmed instincts and impulses. However, while these systems provide support, they are not meant to take full control. We remain the driver behind the wheel, responsible for directing our course. But if we fall asleep at the wheel, we risk letting the car drift wherever it wills, rather than toward our intended destination. Especially if we have a particular destination in mind, we must remain alert, ensuring that it is the spirit—aligned with God’s order—that governs our path, not the unchecked impulses of the flesh.
The fallen world seeks to deny the reality of the spirit, reducing humans to mere biological machines, driven by instinct and impulse, which is an erroneous assumption. But Scripture teaches that we are not just bodies with chemical reactions—we are eternal beings, housed in temporary flesh, called to live by a higher order. The true battle is not just against external forces, but against the deception that we are nothing more than matter—that the “machine” is all there is.
As the church, the called-out ones, we are given a higher mandate—not to be ruled by our instincts but to govern them. Our charge is not to be enslaved by the wild, untamed forces that rage in the body, but to cultivate and protect the sacred ground of our spiritual consciousness. This principle is revealed from the very beginning, in Genesis 2:15:
“The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to cultivate it and protect it.”
The Garden, in its deepest sense, is more than a physical location—it is a divine pattern, a blueprint of order within chaos, a realm of dominion within disorder. The task given to Adam was not merely agricultural—it was spiritual governance. The inner garden of our being, the place where spirit reigns over flesh, must be guarded, tended, and kept in divine alignment. Otherwise, the wildness of the flesh will overrun it, choking out life and replacing peace with chaos.
This “avad” (עָבַד) and “shamar” (שָׁמַר) implies careful cultivation and guardianship. The Garden—Gan (גַּן) in Hebrew—etymologically signifies protection. Beyond its safe boundaries lies the wild, untamed realm of the flesh, the disorderly and chaotic space where desire runs rampant and unchecked.
Trying to control the flesh with the flesh—by sheer force of will—is like asking someone to stop breathing. It is an impossible task because the untamed, chaotic nature outside the Garden cannot subdue the untamed, chaotic impulses that reign there. It is like expecting toddlers—the little inmates—to run the nursery school themselves without adult supervision.
The flesh has a “mind” of its own. Paul speaks of spiritual and carnal “mindedness” (Romans 8:6-7), referring to consciousness. The flesh seeks to reproduce itself (DNA transfer) and maintain safety and comfort. This is why human effort alone—laws, rules, vows, and even marriage—cannot subdue the flesh. Only the spirit-conscious life (small “s”) can bring true mastery over the carnal nature.
THE ORDER OF HEAVEN AND THE RESTORATION OF DOMINION
God’s design is not arbitrary; it is structured according to the pattern of heaven. Jesus reflects this in the Lord’s Prayer:
“Thy kingdom [control] come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.”
— Matthew 6:10
The word Basileia (βασιλεία), translated as kingdom, does not merely refer to a physical place but to the realm where God’s rule is fully enacted.
The etymology reveals a deeper meaning: (Basileia → Basil → Baas → Boss)—signifying dominion, governance, and order—a stark contrast to the wilderness of the flesh.
Only where God reigns, paradise exists. This is the essence of divine shalom—harmony, completeness, and peace—as opposed to the dysfunction of the fallen world, where lust replaces love and disorder supplants peace.
RECLAIMING DOMINION: THE FINAL CHARGE
The battle between spirit and flesh is not one of mere restraint, nor can it be solved by external means alone. It is a war of dominion—a question of who truly holds the reins of our being. The world would have us believe that we are nothing more than animals, bound to the impulses of our biology, but Scripture declares otherwise: We are spirit, soul and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23),
To fall asleep at the wheel is to surrender our course to forces that care nothing for our destiny. But we are not helpless passengers in this journey of life. We are called to rule and subdue (Genesis 1:28), to cultivate and guard the inner garden, ensuring that the spirit, not the flesh, leads. This is not accomplished by force of will alone, nor by the illusion that marriage, status, or external structures can perfect what only the Spirit can transform.
Thus, the call is clear: Wake up. Take hold of the authority that has been entrusted to you. Walk in the Spirit, that you may not fulfil the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). For in this lies true freedom—not in suppression, nor in indulgence, but in the divine order that brings heaven’s rule to earth, within and without.
The struggle is real, but so is the victory—for those who dare to reclaim dominion.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- What areas of your life are you trying to control through sheer willpower instead of spiritual transformation?
- How can you cultivate your inner garden and strengthen your spirit?
- In what ways does the world encourage you to indulge the flesh, and how can you resist?
- What is spiritual practice in your view? Write your answer in the comment section below.
CLOSING PRAYER
Lord, I come before You, acknowledging the weakness of my flesh and my deep need for Your guidance. You have called me to walk in the spirit, to cultivate the inner garden of my heart, and to align my life with the order of Your kingdom. Yet, so often, I have tried to control my desires through sheer willpower, forgetting that true transformation comes only through abiding in You.
Teach me, Father, to surrender my struggles to You, to rest in Your wisdom rather than striving in my own strength. Where I have sought earthly solutions to spiritual battles, open my eyes to the greater reality of Your presence within me. Help me to train my spirit, to nourish my soul with Your Word, and to cultivate a life that bears the fruit of righteousness.
Lord, for those who have walked through the pain of loss, the ache of unfulfilled longing, or the confusion of desire, be their comfort and their guide. Remind them that their worth is not found in status, relationships, or human approval, but in being deeply known and loved by You.
May Your kingdom come in me, may Your will be done in my heart, just as it is in heaven. May I live not as one ruled by the flesh, but as a true child of God, reflecting Your image in all I do.
Amen.
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